Context No. 2465 of 4322 · Sirach

Sirach 13:1-16: in context

1He who touches pitch will be defiled. He who has fellowship with a proud man will become like him. 2Don’t take up a burden above your strength. Have no fellowship with one who is mightier and richer than yourself. What fellowship would the earthen pot have with the kettle? The kettle will strike, and the pot will be dashed in pieces. 3The rich man does a wrong and threatens. The poor is wronged and apologizes. 4If you are profitable, he will exploit you. If you are in need, he will forsake you. 5If you own something, he will live with you. He will drain your resources and will not be sorry. 6Does he need you? Then he will deceive you, smile at you, and give you hope. He will speak kindly to you and say, “What do you need?” 7He will shame you by his delicacies until he has made you bare twice or thrice, and in the end he will laugh you to scorn. Afterward he will see you, will forsake you, and shake his head at you. 8Beware that you are not deceived and brought low in your enjoyment. 9If a mighty man invites you, be reserved, and he will invite you more. 10Don’t press him, lest you be thrust back. Don’t stand far off, lest you be forgotten. 11Don’t try to speak with him as an equal, and don’t believe his many words; for he will test you with much talk, and will examine you in a smiling manner. 12He who doesn’t keep secrets to himself is unmerciful. He won’t hesitate to harm and to bind. 13Keep them to yourself and be careful, for you walk in danger of falling. 15Every living creature loves its own kind, and every man loves his neighbor. 16All flesh associates with their own kind. A man will stick to people like himself.

Sirach offers hard-nosed wisdom about unequal friendships, especially with those who have wealth and standing to spare. He who touches pitch is defiled, he begins, and then dissects the false friendship of the exploiter: if you are useful to him, he will use you; if you are in need, he will forsake you. He flatters when he wants something, smiling and asking what you need, and laughs at you once he has drained you.

This is not cynicism; it is discernment. Sirach is teaching how to recognize the difference between someone who values you and someone who is merely using you while it is convenient. The exploiter's warmth turns on and off with his need. The wisdom is to see it clearly, to keep a right distance, and not to mistake flattery for friendship. But the mirror cuts both ways. The same passage that warns me about being used should make me ask whether I have ever been the one turning warmth on and off toward people I found useful.

Am I being used by a friendship that only flatters when it needs something, or have I treated someone that way myself?

Sources

Sirach 13:4: If you are profitable, he will exploit you. If you are in need, he will forsake you.
Sirach 13:6: Does he need you? Then he will deceive you, smile at you, and give you hope. He will speak kindly to you and say, What do you need?
Proverbs 19:4: Wealth adds many friends, but the poor is separated from his friend.