Scripture Daily

Context No. 565 of 4322 · 2 Samuel

Context · Reflection

2 Samuel 13:1-5: in context

1After this, Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. 2Amnon was so troubled that he became sick because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her. 3But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very subtle man. 4He said to him, “Why, son of the king, are you so sad from day to day? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5Jonadab said to him, “Lay down on your bed and pretend to be sick. When your father comes to see you, tell him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’”

This is the opening of one of the darkest episodes in David's family. Amnon, David's son, is consumed with desire for his half-sister Tamar, so obsessed that he makes himself sick over it. It is a sick and forbidden craving, and Amnon knows it; the text says it seemed impossible to him to do anything to her. Left alone, the desire might have stayed a private torment and gone nowhere. But Amnon has a friend, his cousin Jonadab, and the text describes him precisely: Jonadab was a very crafty man. And this friend, seeing Amnon's misery and learning its cause, does the worst thing a friend can do. He puts his cleverness entirely at the service of the sin.

Watch what Jonadab does not do. He does not say, she is your sister, this is madness, put it out of your mind. He does not try to talk his friend down from a desire that will destroy them both. Instead he asks why Amnon looks so haggard, draws the confession out of him, and then supplies the scheme, the fake illness, the request to have Tamar sent to feed him, the plan to get her alone. A friend who should have been a wall against the sin becomes its architect. His craftiness, which could have protected Amnon from himself, is spent inventing the opportunity for evil, and it leads directly to the assault on Tamar and the ruin of the whole family.

That is a sobering picture of what friendship can be for good or ill. The people close to me will either strengthen my worst desires or restrain them, and I do the same for them. A true friend, seeing me set on something destructive, loves me enough to stand in the way; a Jonadab helps me get what I want precisely when what I want is wrong. Am I the kind of friend who enables the sinful desires of the people I care about, lending my cleverness and help to what will destroy them, or the kind who loves them enough to stand against it, and which kind am I seeking out for myself?

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