John 18:18-22: a reflection

18Now the servants and the officers were standing there, having made a fire of coals, for it was cold. They were warming themselves. Peter was with them, standing and warming himself. 19The high priest therefore asked Jesus about his disciples and about his teaching. 20Jesus answered him, “I spoke openly to the world. I always taught in synagogues and in the temple, where the Jews always meet. I said nothing in secret. 21Why do you ask me? Ask those who have heard me what I said to them. Behold, they know the things which I said.” 22When he had said this, one of the officers standing by slapped Jesus with his hand, saying, “Do you answer the high priest like that?”

When Jesus is brought before the high priest and questioned about his teaching, his answer reveals the openness of his ministry: I have spoken openly to the world; I always taught in synagogues and in the temple, where all come together; I said nothing in secret. Why do you ask me? Ask those who heard me. Jesus had nothing hidden to conceal; his teaching had always been public, consistent, out in the open. There was no secret doctrine, no hidden agenda; what he taught in the open was all there was.

Notice Jesus' claim: I said nothing in secret. His public teaching and his private life were consistent; there was no gap between the message he proclaimed openly and anything hidden. He could invite them to ask anyone who had heard him, because his teaching was consistent and open, with nothing to hide. This is the integrity of a life and message that are the same in public and in private, with no hidden inconsistency.

That is a searching example of integrity. Many of us have a gap between our public face and our private reality, things we say or do in secret that would not bear the light, inconsistencies between what we present and what is hidden. Jesus had none; he said nothing in secret, and his life had nothing to hide. Aspire to that integrity: a life and speech consistent in public and private, with nothing hidden that would contradict what you openly profess. Live so that you could say, as Jesus did, I said nothing in secret, with no gap between your open face and your hidden life. Integrity is being the same in the light and in the dark.

Lord Jesus, when questioned, you could say that you had spoken openly, said nothing in secret, your teaching consistent and out in the open, with nothing hidden to conceal. Give me that integrity. So often there is a gap between my public face and my private reality, things I say or do in secret that would not bear the light, inconsistencies between what I present and what is hidden. Help me close that gap. Make my life and speech consistent in public and in private, with nothing hidden that would contradict what I openly profess. Let me live so that, like you, I could say I said nothing in secret. Make me the same in the light and in the dark, with no hidden inconsistency, but integrity throughout.