Genesis 31:43-55: a reflection

43Laban answered Jacob, “The daughters are my daughters, the children are my children, the flocks are my flocks, and all that you see is mine! What can I do today to these my daughters, or to their children whom they have borne? 44Now come, let’s make a covenant, you and I. Let it be for a witness between me and you.” 45Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar. 46Jacob said to his relatives, “Gather stones.” They took stones, and made a heap. They ate there by the heap. 47Laban called it Jegar Sahadutha, but Jacob called it Galeed. 48Laban said, “This heap is witness between me and you today.” Therefore it was named Galeed 49and Mizpah, for he said, “The LORD watch between me and you, when we are absent one from another. 50If you afflict my daughters, or if you take wives in addition to my daughters, no man is with us; behold, God is witness between me and you.” 51Laban said to Jacob, “See this heap, and see the pillar, which I have set between me and you. 52May this heap be a witness, and the pillar be a witness, that I will not pass over this heap to you, and that you will not pass over this heap and this pillar to me, for harm. 53The God of Abraham, and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us.” Then Jacob swore by the fear of his father, Isaac. 54Jacob offered a sacrifice in the mountain, and called his relatives to eat bread. They ate bread, and stayed all night in the mountain. 55Early in the morning, Laban rose up, and kissed his sons and his daughters, and blessed them. Laban departed and returned to his place.

After years of tension and mutual suspicion, Jacob and his father-in-law Laban, who had wronged and been wronged by each other, come to a parting of the ways. Rather than parting in ongoing hostility, they make a covenant of peace. They set up a heap of stones as a witness, agree not to cross it to harm one another, and call on God to watch between them: The LORD watch between me and you, when we are absent one from another. They establish peace, mark clear boundaries, and entrust the relationship to God's oversight.

Notice what they do: they make peace, set boundaries, and invoke God's watch. Their relationship had been full of conflict, and they might have parted as enemies. Instead, they establish a formal peace, with clear boundaries neither will cross to harm the other, and they place the relationship under God's oversight. It is a wise way of handling a relationship marked by conflict: not pretending all is warm and resolved, but establishing peace and clear, healthy boundaries, and entrusting it to God.

That offers wisdom for our own difficult relationships. Some relationships are marked by real conflict and tension, and cannot simply be made warm and close. But we can still, like Jacob and Laban, seek peace rather than ongoing hostility, establish healthy boundaries that prevent harm, and entrust the relationship to God's watch. When you have a relationship marked by conflict, do not settle for ongoing hostility, but seek peace and set clear, healthy boundaries. And entrust the relationship, and the other person, to God, praying, as they did, that the Lord would watch between you. Peace with boundaries, under God's oversight, is a wise way to handle relationships that cannot simply be made close.

Lord, after years of tension, Jacob and Laban made a covenant of peace, set clear boundaries, and called on you to watch between them. Give me that wisdom for my own difficult relationships. Some of my relationships are marked by real conflict and cannot simply be made warm and close. Help me not to settle for ongoing hostility, but to seek peace, to establish healthy boundaries that prevent harm, and to entrust the relationship to your watch. When I face a relationship marked by tension, help me pursue peace rather than hostility, set clear and healthy boundaries, and place the other person and the relationship in your hands, praying that you would watch between us. Give me wisdom to make peace with boundaries, under your oversight, in the relationships I cannot simply make close.