Genesis 32:1-12: a reflection

1Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him. 2When he saw them, Jacob said, “This is God’s army.” He called the name of that place Mahanaim. 3Jacob sent messengers in front of him to Esau, his brother, to the land of Seir, the field of Edom. 4He commanded them, saying, “This is what you shall tell my lord, Esau: ‘This is what your servant, Jacob, says. I have lived as a foreigner with Laban, and stayed until now. 5I have cattle, donkeys, flocks, male servants, and female servants. I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find favor in your sight.’” 6The messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau. He is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.” 7Then Jacob was greatly afraid and was distressed. He divided the people who were with him, along with the flocks, the herds, and the camels, into two companies. 8He said, “If Esau comes to the one company, and strikes it, then the company which is left will escape.” 9Jacob said, “God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the LORD, who said to me, ‘Return to your country, and to your relatives, and I will do you good,’ 10I am not worthy of the least of all the loving kindnesses, and of all the truth, which you have shown to your servant; for with just my staff I crossed over this Jordan; and now I have become two companies. 11Please deliver me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, lest he come and strike me and the mothers with the children. 12You said, ‘I will surely do you good, and make your offspring as the sand of the sea, which can’t be counted because there are so many.’”

Jacob, returning home, is terrified to learn that his brother Esau, whom he had wronged years before, is coming to meet him with four hundred men. In his fear, he prays; and his prayer is a model of humility, honesty, and faith. He begins by confessing his unworthiness: I am not worthy of the least of all the steadfast love and faithfulness you have shown your servant. He honestly names his fear, asking God to deliver him. And he holds God to his own promise: You said, I will surely do you good.

Notice the humility at the heart of Jacob's prayer: I am not worthy of the least of all your mercies. He does not come demanding, or claiming he deserves God's help; he comes acknowledging that he is unworthy of even the least of the kindnesses God has already shown him. This humility, this honest confession of unworthiness, marks his prayer. And with it goes honesty about his fear, and a holding onto God's promise. Humility, honesty, and faith in God's promise, together.

That humility is worth learning for our own prayers. We can come to God with a subtle sense of entitlement, as though he owed us help, as though we deserved his mercies. But Jacob came confessing, I am not worthy of the least of all your mercies, acknowledging that every kindness of God was undeserved. When you pray, come with Jacob's humility: not demanding, not claiming you deserve God's help, but acknowledging that you are unworthy of even the least of his mercies, which are all of grace. And with that humility, be honest about your fears and needs, and hold onto God's promises, as Jacob held onto God's word. Humble, honest prayer that pleads not your worthiness but God's mercy and promise is prayer God receives; come, as Jacob came, unworthy of the least of his mercies, yet holding onto his promise, and trusting his grace.

Lord, Jacob, terrified that Esau was coming with four hundred men, prayed with humility, honesty, and faith: I am not worthy of the least of all the steadfast love and faithfulness you have shown your servant; he named his fear honestly, and held you to your promise, you said, I will surely do you good. Teach me the humility at the heart of his prayer: I am not worthy of the least of all your mercies. I can come to you with a subtle sense of entitlement, as though you owed me help, as though I deserved your mercies. But Jacob came confessing his unworthiness of even the least of the kindnesses you had shown, acknowledging that every kindness of yours was undeserved. When I pray, help me come with Jacob's humility: not demanding, not claiming I deserve your help, but acknowledging that I am unworthy of even the least of your mercies, which are all of grace. And with that humility, help me be honest about my fears and needs, and hold onto your promises, as Jacob held onto your word. Humble, honest prayer that pleads not my worthiness but your mercy and promise is prayer you receive; help me come, as Jacob came, unworthy of the least of your mercies, yet holding onto your promise, and trusting your grace, Lord.