1 Samuel 25:1-8: a reflection

1Samuel died; and all Israel gathered themselves together and mourned for him, and buried him at his house at Ramah. Then David arose and went down to the wilderness of Paran. 2There was a man in Maon whose possessions were in Carmel; and the man was very great. He had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats; and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel. 3Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail. This woman was intelligent and had a beautiful face; but the man was surly and evil in his doings. He was of the house of Caleb. 4David heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. 5David sent ten young men; and David said to the young men, “Go up to Carmel, and go to Nabal, and greet him in my name. 6Tell him, ‘Long life to you! Peace be to you! Peace be to your house! Peace be to all that you have! 7Now I have heard that you have shearers. Your shepherds have now been with us, and we didn’t harm them. Nothing was missing from them all the time they were in Carmel. 8Ask your young men, and they will tell you. Therefore let the young men find favor in your eyes, for we come on a good day. Please give whatever comes to your hand to your servants and to your son David.’”

When David, in the wilderness, needs provision and sends messengers to the wealthy Nabal, he does not demand or threaten; he makes his request with courtesy and grace. He instructs his men to greet Nabal in his name with blessing: Long life to you! Peace be to you! Peace be to your house! Peace be to all that you have! He reminds Nabal that his men had protected Nabal's shepherds and taken nothing, and then asks graciously for whatever Nabal might give. David's approach was respectful, peaceable, gracious, a courteous request rather than a demand. He asked with blessing and courtesy, appealing to Nabal's goodwill rather than compelling him.

Notice the grace and courtesy of David's request. He was in a position of strength, with armed men, in need of provision; he might have demanded, or taken by force. But instead he approached Nabal with blessing, with peace, with courtesy, reminding him of the good his men had done and asking graciously for whatever Nabal would give. His request was respectful, peaceable, appealing to goodwill rather than compelling by threat. He greeted Nabal with blessing, spoke peaceably, and asked with grace. The manner of the request was gracious and courteous, honoring the one he asked rather than demanding of him. David asked well, with respect and blessing, however he might have compelled.

That is worth taking to heart, for there is grace in making our requests courteously and respectfully, rather than by demand. When we need something from others, we can demand, pressure, or compel; but David made his request to Nabal with courtesy, blessing, and respect, appealing to goodwill rather than force. There is a grace in how we ask, in making our requests respectfully and courteously rather than by demand. Do not make your requests by demand or pressure when you can make them with courtesy and respect; ask graciously, as David greeted Nabal with blessing and asked courteously. Make your requests graciously and respectfully, with courtesy rather than demand, as David greeted Nabal with blessing and peace and asked courteously for what he needed; for there is grace in how we ask, and to make our requests respectfully, honoring the one we ask, is better than demanding or compelling, appealing to goodwill rather than force.

Lord, when David, in the wilderness, needs provision and sends messengers to the wealthy Nabal, he does not demand or threaten; he makes his request with courtesy and grace. He instructs his men to greet Nabal in his name with blessing: Long life to you! Peace be to you! Peace be to your house! He reminds Nabal that his men had protected Nabal's shepherds and taken nothing, and then asks graciously for whatever Nabal might give. David's approach was respectful, peaceable, gracious, a courteous request rather than a demand. Show me the grace and courtesy of David's request. He was in a position of strength, with armed men, in need of provision; he might have demanded, or taken by force. But instead he approached Nabal with blessing, with peace, with courtesy, and asked graciously for whatever Nabal would give. His request was respectful, appealing to goodwill rather than compelling by threat. The manner of the request was gracious and courteous, honoring the one he asked. Take that to my heart, for there is grace in making my requests courteously and respectfully, rather than by demand. When I need something from others, I can demand, pressure, or compel; but David made his request to Nabal with courtesy, blessing, and respect. There is a grace in how I ask. Keep me from making my requests by demand or pressure when I can make them with courtesy and respect; help me ask graciously, Lord, as David greeted Nabal with blessing and asked courteously, honoring the one I ask rather than demanding, appealing to goodwill rather than force.