Tobit 10:7-12: a reflection

7And she said to him, “Hold your peace. Don’t deceive me. My child has perished.” And she went out every day into the way by which they went, and ate no bread in the day-time, and didn’t stop bewailing her son Tobias for whole nights, until the fourteen days of the wedding feast were expired, which Raguel had sworn that he should spend there. Then Tobias said to Raguel, “Send me away, for my father and my mother look no more to see me.” 8But his father-in-law said to him, “Stay with me, and I will send to your father, and they will declare to him how things go with you.” 9Tobias said, “No. Send me away to my father.” 10Raguel arose, and gave him Sarah his wife, and half his goods, servants and cattle and money; 11and he blessed them, and sent them away, saying, “The God of heaven will prosper you, my children, before I die.” 12And he said to his daughter, “Honor your father-in-law and your mother-in-law. They are now your parents. Let me hear a good report of you.” Then he kissed her. Edna said to Tobias, “May the Lord of heaven restore you, dear brother, and grant to me that I may see your children of my daughter Sarah, that I may rejoice before the Lord. Behold, I commit my daughter to you in special trust. Don’t cause her grief.

The scene is full of the ache and love of family. Tobias's mother, Anna, back home, is convinced her son has died on his journey and cannot be comforted; she goes out daily to watch the road, weeping through the nights, refusing to eat. Her grief is the grief of a mother who fears the worst. Meanwhile Tobias, safe and newly married, longs to return to his parents, knowing they are anxious for him, and asks his father-in-law to send him home.

Raguel and Edna send the young couple off with blessings that are tender and generous. They give them their portion, bless them, and commend them to God: the God of heaven prosper you before I die. And Edna, entrusting her daughter to Tobias, speaks the heart of every loving parent releasing a child: honor your new parents, let me hear a good report of you, and do not cause her grief. Love here is expressed in blessing, in generous release, and in earnest hope for the young couple's future.

This passage holds together two sides of family love: the anxious grief of a parent who fears for a child, and the generous blessing of parents releasing children into their own lives. Both are love. If you are a parent, there is a model here of blessing and releasing rather than clinging, of entrusting your children to God's care. And if you have parents who worry over you, remember Anna watching the road, and let their love, even its anxiety, move you toward them. Honor those who love you, and entrust the ones you love to God.

Lord, this family loved with anxious grief and with generous blessing, both expressions of real love. If I am entrusted with others, teach me to bless and release them into your care rather than clinging. And help me to honor those who love and worry over me. Hold the ones I love when I cannot, and let me commit them, as these parents did, into your keeping. Amen.