2 Samuel 19:1-7: a reflection

1Joab was told, “Behold, the king weeps and mourns for Absalom.” 2The victory that day was turned into mourning among all the people, for the people heard it said that day, “The king grieves for his son.” 3The people sneaked into the city that day, as people who are ashamed steal away when they flee in battle. 4The king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, “My son Absalom, Absalom, my son, my son!” 5Joab came into the house to the king, and said, “Today you have shamed the faces of all your servants who today have saved your life, and the lives of your sons and of your daughters, and the lives of your wives, and the lives of your concubines; 6in that you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have declared today that princes and servants are nothing to you. For today I perceive that if Absalom had lived and we had all died today, then it would have pleased you well. 7Now therefore arise, go out and speak to comfort your servants; for I swear by the LORD, if you don’t go out, not a man will stay with you this night. That would be worse to you than all the evil that has happened to you from your youth until now.”

David's son Absalom, who had rebelled against him, has died in battle, and David is consumed with grief, weeping and crying out, O Absalom, my son, my son! His mourning is understandable, a father's anguish over a lost child. But it has a cost he does not see: his soldiers, who had just risked their lives to save him and the kingdom, creep back into the city ashamed, as if they had done something wrong, because the king is grieving instead of thanking them. Joab confronts David bluntly: you are shaming the very people who saved you; get up and encourage them, or you will lose them all.

Notice what David's grief, real and legitimate as it was, had done. It had turned so entirely inward that he neglected his responsibility to the people who had served and loved him. His sorrow, understandable in itself, had made him forget the loyal soldiers, leaving them feeling their loyalty counted for nothing. Even genuine grief, Joab's hard words remind him, does not cancel a leader's duty to those who depend on him.

That is a delicate but real word. Grief is legitimate; God does not ask us to suppress it. But there is a danger, in deep sorrow, of turning so inward that we neglect our responsibilities and the people who still depend on us and love us. Joab's rebuke, harsh as it was, called David to lift his eyes from his own grief to the people who needed him. If you are in a season of grief, mourn honestly; but do not let sorrow make you forget those who still depend on you. Even in grief, we are called to look up and care for others.

Lord, David's grief over Absalom, real and understandable, turned so inward that he neglected the people who had saved him and loved him. When I am in deep sorrow, help me grieve honestly, for you do not ask me to suppress it. But keep my grief from turning so inward that I forget those who still depend on me and love me. Help me, even in sorrow, to lift my eyes and care for others. Give me a grief that does not neglect my duty of love.