1 Corinthians 7:1-5: a reflection

1Now concerning the things about which you wrote to me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2But, because of sexual immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband give his wife the affection owed her, and likewise also the wife her husband. 4The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise also the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Don’t deprive one another, unless it is by consent for a season, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and may be together again, that Satan doesn’t tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Paul, writing about marriage, describes it in terms of mutual belonging and self-giving. Each spouse is to give the other their due affection; and then he says something striking about the reciprocity of it: the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does, and likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Marriage, in Paul's picture, is a mutual belonging, each giving themselves to the other, each considering the other rather than only themselves.

Notice the mutuality Paul insists on. This is not a one-sided arrangement where one person serves and the other is served; it is reciprocal, each belonging to the other, each responsible to give and consider the other. The husband is to consider his wife's needs as she is to consider his; the belonging goes both ways. Marriage, at its heart, is mutual self-giving, two people who have given themselves to each other and live for each other's good, not each demanding their own.

That vision of mutual self-giving is a picture of love more broadly, and a challenge to the self-centeredness that creeps into our closest relationships. Whether in marriage or in other bonds, the temptation is to focus on what we are owed, to demand rather than give, to consider our own needs over the other's. Paul's picture points the other way: mutual belonging, mutual consideration, each living for the other's good. In your closest relationships, cultivate that self-giving mutuality. Consider the other as you would want to be considered; give rather than only demand; and let love be a mutual belonging, not a one-sided claim.

Lord, Paul describes marriage as mutual belonging and self-giving, each spouse considering the other rather than only themselves. Where self-centeredness has crept into my closest relationships, focusing on what I am owed rather than what I can give, correct me. Teach me the mutual consideration and self-giving Paul describes, to give rather than only demand, to consider the other's good as my own. Let my love be a mutual belonging, not a one-sided claim. Make me a giver in my relationships, as you have given yourself to me.