Matthew 26:19-24: a reflection

19The disciples did as Jesus commanded them, and they prepared the Passover. 20Now when evening had come, he was reclining at the table with the twelve disciples. 21As they were eating, he said, “Most certainly I tell you that one of you will betray me.” 22They were exceedingly sorrowful, and each began to ask him, “It isn’t me, is it, Lord?” 23He answered, “He who dipped his hand with me in the dish will betray me. 24The Son of Man goes even as it is written of him, but woe to that man through whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would be better for that man if he had not been born.”

At the Last Supper, Jesus says something that lands heavily on the twelve: One of you will betray me. And notice the disciples' response. They do not turn on one another, pointing fingers and asking who the traitor could be; instead, each turns the question inward: Is it I, Lord? Sorrowful, they examine themselves, each wondering whether he might be capable of such a thing. Even the true disciples, hearing of betrayal, look first at their own hearts.

Notice that instinct: is it I? Rather than assuming their own innocence and suspecting others, the disciples each searched their own hearts, humble enough to wonder whether the failure might be theirs. It is the opposite of the self-righteous instinct that assumes the problem is always someone else. Faced with the possibility of betrayal, they asked it of themselves first.

That is a humbling and healthy instinct to learn. When sin, failure, or wrong is named, our reflex is often to look around, to wonder who is at fault, to assume it is surely not us. The disciples show a better way: to turn the question inward first, is it I? to examine our own hearts before suspecting others, humble enough to know we too are capable of failing. When you hear of some sin or failure, resist the reflex to look first at others. Ask it of yourself: is it I, Lord? Examine your own heart before you examine anyone else's. That humble self-examination guards against the pride that only ever sees the fault in others.

Lord, when you said one of the twelve would betray you, the disciples did not point fingers but each asked, is it I, Lord? turning the question inward and examining their own hearts. Give me that humble instinct. When sin or failure is named, keep me from the reflex to look first at others, assuming my own innocence. Help me ask it of myself first: is it I? and to examine my own heart before I examine anyone else's. Guard me from the pride that only ever sees fault in others. Make me quick to search myself, humble enough to know I too can fail.