Sirach 3:1-16: a reflection

1Hear me, your father, O my children, and do what you hear, that you all may be safe. 2For the Lord honors the father over the children, and has confirmed the judgment of the mother over her sons. 3He who honors his father will make atonement for sins. 4He who gives glory to his mother is as one who lays up treasure. 5Whoever honors his father will have joy in his own children. He will be heard in the day of his prayer. 6He who gives glory to his father will have length of days. He who listens to the Lord will bring rest to his mother, 7and will serve under his parents, as to masters. 8Honor your father in deed and word, that a blessing may come upon you from him. 9For the blessing of the father establishes the houses of children, but the curse of the mother roots out the foundations. 10Don’t glorify yourself in the dishonor of your father, for your father’s dishonor is no glory to you. 11For the glory of a man is from the honor of his father, and a mother in dishonor is a reproach to her children. 12My son, help your father in his old age, and don’t grieve him as long as he lives. 13If he fails in understanding, have patience with him. Don’t dishonor him in your full strength. 14For the kindness to your father will not be forgotten. Instead of sins it will be added to build you up. 15In the day of your affliction it will be remembered for you, as fair weather upon ice, so your sins will also melt away. 16He who forsakes his father is as a blasphemer. He who provokes his mother is cursed by the Lord.

The book of Sirach gives extended, tender counsel about honoring one's father and mother, drawing out the commandment into practical love. Honor your father in deed and word, it says, and then turns to something particularly searching: My son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives. If he fails in understanding, have patience with him, and do not dishonor him. The command to honor parents reaches all the way into their frail old age, when honoring them may cost the most.

Notice where the passage presses hardest: not on honoring parents when we are young and dependent, but on caring for them when they are old, weak, and perhaps failing in mind. Have patience with him if he fails in understanding, it says; do not dishonor him. This is honor at its most costly and least convenient, tending patiently to a parent in decline, when the roles have reversed and the burden falls on the child.

That is a word many of us need, in a culture that often neglects the aging. Honoring our parents does not end when we grow up; it extends into their old age, and may be most tested precisely there, in the patience required to care for a parent who is frail, difficult, or failing. It is not always easy or convenient, but it is a sacred duty and, the passage promises, not forgotten by God. If you have aging parents, do not neglect them; honor them with patience and care in their weakness, bearing with them gently as they once bore with you. Such kindness, Sirach says, will not be forgotten.

Lord, your word calls me to honor my father and mother not only in youth but into their old age, to help them in their weakness and to have patience with them if they fail in understanding. Give me that patient, honoring love. Keep me from neglecting my parents as they age, or growing impatient with their frailty. Help me care for them gently, bearing with them as they once bore with me, honoring them in deed and word even when it is costly and inconvenient. Let me not forget the sacred duty of honoring those who raised me. Give me a tender, faithful heart toward them in their weakness.