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Context No. 14 of 4322 · John

Context · Reflection

John 18:12-17: in context

12So the detachment, the commanding officer, and the officers of the Jews seized Jesus and bound him, 13and led him to Annas first, for he was father-in-law to Caiaphas, who was high priest that year. 14Now it was Caiaphas who advised the Jews that it was expedient that one man should perish for the people. 15Simon Peter followed Jesus, as did another disciple. Now that disciple was known to the high priest, and entered in with Jesus into the court of the high priest; 16but Peter was standing at the door outside. So the other disciple, who was known to the high priest, went out and spoke to her who kept the door, and brought in Peter. 17Then the maid who kept the door said to Peter, “Are you also one of this man’s disciples?” He said, “I am not.”

This is John's account of the hours after Jesus's arrest. Seized in the garden, he is led away first to Annas, the aging power behind the high priesthood in Jerusalem, whose son-in-law Caiaphas held the office that year. Caiaphas was the one who had said earlier that it was better for one man to die for the people (11:50). Both men are named by the first-century historian Josephus as high priests of these years. Peter and another disciple follow the arrest at a distance.

The second disciple, known in the high priest's house, gets Peter through the gate. There, at the door, a servant girl asks him the plainest possible question. Are you also one of this man's disciples? Peter says, I am not.

In Greek it is two words, ouk eimi, I am not. John has built his whole Gospel on Jesus saying the reverse, ego eimi, I am, the words of the divine name, over and over: I am the bread, the light, the gate. In the courtyard, while Jesus stands bound and owns exactly who he is, Peter warms himself by the fire and unsays it. It is not a grand betrayal but a small no to a girl at a door. Where has a low-stakes question pulled a denial out of me that a real threat never could?

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