Scripture Daily

Context No. 1795 of 4322 · Proverbs

Context · Reflection

Proverbs 27:1-16: in context

1Don’t boast about tomorrow; for you don’t know what a day may bring. 2Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. 3A stone is heavy, and sand is a burden; but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both. 4Wrath is cruel, and anger is overwhelming; but who is able to stand before jealousy? 5Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6The wounds of a friend are faithful, although the kisses of an enemy are profuse. 7A full soul loathes a honeycomb; but to a hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet. 8As a bird that wanders from her nest, so is a man who wanders from his home. 9Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart; so does earnest counsel from a man’s friend. 10Don’t forsake your friend and your father’s friend. Don’t go to your brother’s house in the day of your disaster. A neighbor who is near is better than a distant brother. 11Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart, then I can answer my tormentor. 12A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge; but the simple pass on, and suffer for it. 13Take his garment when he puts up collateral for a stranger. Hold it for a wayward woman! 14He who blesses his neighbor with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse by him. 15A continual dropping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike: 16restraining her is like restraining the wind, or like grasping oil in his right hand.

This chapter of Proverbs gathers sayings about friendship and honesty, and among them stands a striking pair: better is open rebuke than hidden love; faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. A true friend, the proverb says, will risk wounding us with honest words, and those wounds are faithful; the flattering kisses of an enemy, sweet as they seem, are not to be trusted.

The proverb draws a contrast we do not naturally make: it prefers the wounds of a friend to the kisses of an enemy. We would rather be flattered than rebuked; the kind words feel better than the hard ones. But the proverb calls the friend's wounds faithful and the enemy's kisses deceitful. A true friend loves us enough to tell us hard truths, to point out where we are wrong, to give the honest rebuke that stings; and though it wounds, the wound is faithful, given for our good by someone who wants what is best for us. The enemy, or the flatterer, gives us pleasant words, kisses, that ask nothing of us and cost us nothing, and are worth nothing, for they are not spoken for our good but for the speaker's advantage or our comfortable deception. There are two things worth taking from this. The first is about receiving. When a friend wounds us with honest words, pointing out a fault, telling us a truth we would rather not hear, our instinct is to resent it, to prefer the friends who only ever affirm us. But the proverb says the honest wound is the faithful thing, the mark of a friend who truly loves us; and we do well to receive it as such, to value the friend who will tell us the truth over the flatterer who only tells us what we like. The second is about being such a friend. To love our friends faithfully sometimes means risking the wound, speaking the honest word they need to hear rather than the flattering one they would prefer, caring more for their good than for their momentary approval of us. Both are hard: to receive honest rebuke without resentment, and to give it out of love rather than withholding it to keep the peace. But faithful are the wounds of a friend; and the friendships worth having are the ones honest enough to include them.

Do I value the friends who only ever affirm me over those who will tell me hard truths, resenting honest rebuke rather than receiving it as the faithful wound of one who loves me, and am I willing to be such a friend myself, risking the honest word another needs to hear rather than withholding it to keep their easy approval?

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