Proverbs 27:1-16: a reflection

1Don’t boast about tomorrow; for you don’t know what a day may bring. 2Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. 3A stone is heavy, and sand is a burden; but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both. 4Wrath is cruel, and anger is overwhelming; but who is able to stand before jealousy? 5Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6The wounds of a friend are faithful, although the kisses of an enemy are profuse. 7A full soul loathes a honeycomb; but to a hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet. 8As a bird that wanders from her nest, so is a man who wanders from his home. 9Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart; so does earnest counsel from a man’s friend. 10Don’t forsake your friend and your father’s friend. Don’t go to your brother’s house in the day of your disaster. A neighbor who is near is better than a distant brother. 11Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart, then I can answer my tormentor. 12A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge; but the simple pass on, and suffer for it. 13Take his garment when he puts up collateral for a stranger. Hold it for a wayward woman! 14He who blesses his neighbor with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse by him. 15A continual dropping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike: 16restraining her is like restraining the wind, or like grasping oil in his right hand.

Among these proverbs is one that turns our expectations upside down: Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. And nearby: Better is open rebuke than hidden love. The honest wounds a true friend inflicts, the hard truths, the needed corrections, are faithful, given for our good; while the flattering kisses of an enemy, however pleasant, are deceitful. A friend who loves us enough to tell us hard truths is more valuable than a flatterer.

Notice the contrast: the faithful wounds of a friend, and the deceitful kisses of an enemy. A true friend will sometimes wound us, telling us hard truths we need to hear, correcting us where we are wrong; and these wounds are faithful, given in love, for our good. But an enemy, or a flatterer, gives us pleasant kisses, smooth praise that asks nothing and corrects nothing; and these are deceitful, however nice they feel. The friend's wound heals; the flatterer's kiss deceives.

That proverb helps us value rightly the honest correction of those who love us, and beware of mere flattery. We naturally prefer pleasant words to hard ones, and can resent a friend's honest correction while enjoying a flatterer's praise. But the friend who wounds us with truth loves us more than the flatterer who only pleases us. Value the faithful wounds of a true friend, the honest correction given for your good, above the deceitful kisses of flattery. Do not resent those who love you enough to tell you hard truths; receive their faithful wounds as a gift, better than the flatterer's pleasant but deceitful praise. And be, to others, such a friend: willing to give a faithful wound when love requires it, rather than only pleasant flattery. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; value them, and give them, above the deceitful kisses of flattery.

Lord, your word says faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful, and better is open rebuke than hidden love. Help me value rightly the honest correction of those who love me, and beware of mere flattery. I naturally prefer pleasant words to hard ones, and can resent a friend's honest correction while enjoying a flatterer's praise. But the friend who wounds me with truth loves me more than the flatterer who only pleases me. Help me value the faithful wounds of a true friend, the honest correction given for my good, above the deceitful kisses of flattery. Keep me from resenting those who love me enough to tell me hard truths; help me receive their faithful wounds as a gift, better than the flatterer's pleasant but deceitful praise. And help me be, to others, such a friend: willing to give a faithful wound when love requires it, rather than only pleasant flattery. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; help me value them, and give them, Lord, above the deceitful kisses of flattery.