Context No. 3080 of 4322 · Sirach

Sirach 22:18-27: in context

18Fences set on a high place will not stand against the wind; so a fearful heart in the imagination of a fool will not stand against any fear. 19He who pricks the eye will make tears fall. He who pricks the heart makes it show feeling. 20Whoever casts a stone at birds scares them away. He who insults a friend will dissolve friendship. 21If you have drawn a sword against a friend, don’t despair, for there may be a way back. 22If you have opened your mouth against a friend, don’t be afraid, for there may be reconciliation, unless it is for insulting, arrogance, disclosing of a secret, or a treacherous blow— for these things any friend will flee. 23Gain trust with your neighbor in his poverty, that in his prosperity you may have gladness. Stay steadfast to him in the time of his affliction, that you may be heir with him in his inheritance. 24Before fire is the vapor and smoke of a furnace, so insults precede bloodshed. 25I won’t be ashamed to shelter a friend. I won’t hide myself from his face. 26If any evil happens to me because of him, everyone who hears it will beware of him. 27Who will set a watch over my mouth, and a seal of shrewdness upon my lips, that I may not fall from it, and that my tongue may not destroy me?

Ben Sira turns to friendship, and he is realistic about how it is wounded and how it may be healed. Insults drive friends off as a thrown stone scatters birds. But if you have spoken sharply, even drawn a sword against a friend, do not despair, there may be a way back, unless the wound was insult, arrogance, betraying a secret, or a treacherous blow, for from these any friend will flee.

The passage is honest about which breaches can be mended and which cannot. Many wounds, a harsh word, even a flare of real anger, can be repaired if there is a will to return. But some injuries, betraying a confidence, treachery, contempt, drive a friend away for good; these are the wounds friendship rarely survives. So Ben Sira prays for a guard over his own mouth, knowing how quickly the tongue can destroy what took years to build. Friendship is precious and fragile: guard your words, and where a breach can still be healed, seek to heal it.

Do I guard my tongue for the sake of my friendships, and seek reconciliation where a breach can still be healed?

Sources

Sirach 22:27: "Who will set a watch over my mouth, and a seal of shrewdness upon my lips, that... my tongue may not destroy me?"
Proverbs 17:9: "He who covers an offense promotes love; but he who repeats a matter separates best friends."
James 3:5: "So the tongue is also a little member, and boasts great things. See how a small fire can spread to a large forest!"