Genesis 35:16-22: a reflection

16They traveled from Bethel. There was still some distance to come to Ephrath, and Rachel travailed. She had hard labor. 17When she was in hard labor, the midwife said to her, “Don’t be afraid, for now you will have another son.” 18As her soul was departing (for she died), she named him Benoni, but his father named him Benjamin. 19Rachel died, and was buried on the way to Ephrath (also called Bethlehem). 20Jacob set up a pillar on her grave. The same is the Pillar of Rachel’s grave to this day. 21Israel traveled, and spread his tent beyond the tower of Eder. 22While Israel lived in that land, Reuben went and lay with Bilhah, his father’s concubine, and Israel heard of it. Now the sons of Jacob were twelve.

As Rachel dies giving birth, she names her son in her sorrow, Benoni, son of my sorrow; but Jacob renames him Benjamin, son of the right hand, choosing to name the child by hope rather than only by grief. She named him Benoni, the account says, but his father named him Benjamin. In one moment, joy and sorrow were mingled: a son was born, but his mother died in the bearing of him. Rachel, as her life departed, named him out of her sorrow, Benoni, son of my sorrow. But Jacob would not let the child bear the name of grief forever; he named him Benjamin, son of the right hand, a name of hope and favor. In the mingling of joy and sorrow, Jacob chose to name his son by hope. This shows the mingling of joy and sorrow, and naming by hope rather than only by grief. Joy and sorrow are often mingled; do not name your life by grief alone. Jacob named his son by hope, not only by the sorrow of the moment. In the mingling of joy and grief, there is room to choose hope. Grief is real, but need not have the final word or the lasting name.

Notice the two names, and the mingling of joy and sorrow behind them. Rachel died in giving birth; in one moment, a son was born and a beloved wife was lost. Joy and sorrow were deeply mingled. And this is reflected in the naming. Rachel, in her dying grief, named the child Benoni, son of my sorrow, marking him with the grief of his birth. But Jacob, though he too grieved deeply, would not let his son bear the name of sorrow forever. He renamed him Benjamin, son of the right hand, a name of favor, strength, and hope. Jacob chose to name the child, and the moment, not only by its grief, but by hope. This holds something worth pondering about joy and sorrow, and how we hold them. In this life, joy and sorrow are often deeply mingled; the same moment can hold both a birth and a death, a gift and a loss. The grief is real and not to be denied; Rachel's sorrow was real, and her death a true loss. But there is also room, as Jacob showed, to choose hope, not to let grief have the final word or the lasting name, but to hold on to hope and favor even amid the sorrow. We can acknowledge grief honestly, and yet not name our whole life or future by it, choosing, like Jacob, to hold on to hope. We do well to acknowledge grief honestly, yet, like Jacob, to choose hope, not letting sorrow have the final name. Acknowledge grief honestly, yet choose hope; do not let sorrow have the final name. Joy and sorrow are often mingled; hold both, but do not name your future by grief alone. Like Jacob, choose to hold on to hope even amid real loss. Grief is real, but need not be the lasting name of your life.

That is worth taking to heart, for joy and sorrow are often mingled, and we can, like Jacob, choose hope rather than naming our life by grief alone, as Jacob named his son Benjamin rather than Benoni. We can let grief have the final word and the lasting name; but Jacob, amid real loss, chose to name his son by hope. Choose hope. When joy and sorrow are mingled, acknowledge the grief honestly, yet, like Jacob, choose to hold on to hope, not letting sorrow have the final name. Acknowledge grief honestly, yet, like Jacob, choose hope rather than naming your whole life or future by grief alone, as when Rachel died giving birth she named her son in her sorrow, Benoni, son of my sorrow, but Jacob renamed him Benjamin, son of the right hand, choosing to name the child by hope rather than only by grief; for in one moment joy and sorrow were mingled, a son born but his mother lost, and Rachel as her life departed named him out of her sorrow, but Jacob would not let the child bear the name of grief forever and named him a name of hope and favor, choosing in the mingling of joy and sorrow to name his son by hope, which holds something worth pondering about joy and sorrow and how we hold them, since in this life joy and sorrow are often deeply mingled and the same moment can hold both a gift and a loss, the grief real and not to be denied, but there is also room as Jacob showed to choose hope and not let grief have the final word or lasting name but to hold on to hope even amid the sorrow, so that we can acknowledge grief honestly and yet not name our whole life or future by it, choosing like Jacob to hold on to hope, and we do well to do so.

Lord, as Rachel dies giving birth, she names her son in her sorrow, Benoni, son of my sorrow; but Jacob renames him Benjamin, son of the right hand, choosing to name the child by hope rather than only by grief. She named him Benoni, the account says, but his father named him Benjamin. In one moment, joy and sorrow were mingled: a son was born, but his mother died in the bearing of him. Rachel, as her life departed, named him out of her sorrow. But Jacob would not let the child bear the name of grief forever; he named him Benjamin, son of the right hand, a name of hope and favor. In the mingling of joy and sorrow, Jacob chose to name his son by hope. Show me the two names, and the mingling of joy and sorrow behind them. Rachel died in giving birth; in one moment, a son was born and a beloved wife was lost. Joy and sorrow were deeply mingled. Rachel, in her dying grief, named the child son of my sorrow, marking him with the grief of his birth. But Jacob, though he too grieved deeply, would not let his son bear the name of sorrow forever. He renamed him son of the right hand, a name of favor, strength, and hope. Jacob chose to name the child, and the moment, not only by its grief, but by hope. This holds something worth pondering about joy and sorrow, and how I hold them. In this life, joy and sorrow are often deeply mingled; the same moment can hold both a gift and a loss. The grief is real and not to be denied. But there is also room, as Jacob showed, to choose hope, not to let grief have the final word or the lasting name, but to hold on to hope even amid the sorrow. Take that to my heart. When joy and sorrow are mingled in my life, help me acknowledge the grief honestly, yet, like Jacob, choose to hold on to hope, Lord, not letting sorrow have the final name, but naming my future by hope even amid real loss, for grief is real but need not be the lasting name of my life.